July 27, 2011

Stupid Laws

I’m gonna take a spin off The Goddess Blogs and post these dumb laws. I couldn’t resist looking to see what’s out there. Some are too funny for words, right?

• You can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile. (Like that’s gonna be an issue in Tennessee)
• It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. (I’d like to see someone try though)
• Ministers are to be dedicated to God and therefore are not eligible to hold a seat in either House of the Legislature. (This explains a lot!)
• It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date. (Someone’s mother must have made this one up!)
• When you pull up to a stop sign you must fire a gun out the window to warn horse carriages that you are coming. (Ummm…is that supposed to make them stop?)
• By law, anyone who has been drinking is “sober” until he or she “cannot hold onto the ground.” (Well, ok then)
• It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. (Really?)
• Illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians. (Doesn’t say anything about her running him over, though)
• It’s illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM. (Do they have people who monitor the frogs?)
• It is illegal to give any pie to fellow diners. (That’s ok. I ain’t sharing anyway)

• No one may “suddenly start or stop” their car at a McDonald’s.
• Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term. (Wonder if they have a big enough jail for these violators)
• It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday. (Darn. I had planned to take Bessie to town this weekend)

• It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. (Is it legal to shoot the teller with a real gun, I wonder?)
• Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.” (Well, that’s a relief. I don’t have false teeth)
• Prisoners who hurt themselves could serve an additional two years in jail. (Wonder what they do to those who hurt others)
• All garbage must be cooked before it can be fed to any hogs. (Did the hogs revolt & demand cooked slop?)
• Chasing fish in a city park is against the law. (As apposed to chasing them down the street?)
• City commission members may not drink during a public meeting or risk a $50 fine. (Bet they don’t meet very often)
• Snakes are not allowed within 200 yards of the Mardi Gras parade route (Well I ain’t gonna be the one to enforce this one)
• You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant. (I don’t think you should try tying an alligator to anything unless you want to be armless)

• One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once. (So that’s where “Blue Duck” comes from)
• It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky. (Again. I’d like to see someone try it)

• It is illegal to sell one’s eye. (I need both of mine anyway)
• It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (This one would be difficult for a lot of people)
• It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. (Well, I’m not gonna get any closer)
• It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster. (So use a swiffer instead)
• Landing an airplane on the beach is illegal.
• Any person who sits on a sidewalk may be fined up to $500. (Better put in a few benches then)
• It is illegal to drive within an arm’s length of alcohol – including alcohol in someone else’s blood stream. (Hmm…not sure this one will be enforceable)
• It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts. (This one should be heavily enforced)
• It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands. (But it’s ok to smile & wiggle your butt at someone)
• Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights. (Tail Lights…ha…that’s funny)

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